As we move into the renewal that comes with spring, I am aware of the surge of optimism, abundance and love that fills my veins as the birds return, the rivers flow, and the sun penetrates deeper into my winter bones.
The realization is always that this love I feel is not outside being handed to me, but inside me all along, and that spring’s promise inspires me to let love flow from within, once again.
I want that feeling all the time. So how do I continually cultivate being love, rather than the old way of seeking much of it outside myself, perpetuating feelings of not being love? I want to be the thing I seek, the alpha and the omega. I think it is about choosing it in each moment, and I’d like to use the inspiration of this spring’s energy to rewire myself permanently.
Rumi’s line : “Ours is not to seek love, but to seek the barriers we have built agai nst it” sits in a frame on my dresser, reminding me to put on fewer barriers each morning, until I am clothed only in the light that is love. I imagine many of us also are feeling this right now. There has been a great deal of loss, facing of fears of one kind or another, shifting out of old beliefs, that has been kneading us of late, and it is learning to shift into our place of love for ourselves, and others, where we find the strength to flow with what is presenting itself.
For me, love is the expression of source and we, like all of existence, are eternally connected to that same source. Whenever I am in fear I am out of love, I have disconnected. Spring’s energy is making me more aware of any such separation that I am carrying. Spring buoys me up so that I feel one with all life, divine, understood, enveloped in true love.
I have had a few moments recently where I fell out of love, out of my calm centre. On one occasion I found myself with someone that I wished might be a romantic partner. As I realized it was not going that direction, I suddenly felt myself swept over an abyss, imagining I would never find love and that I was doomed to spend my aging years all alone. It was incredible how fast the thought and feeling tore me out of the moment. I could feel how I had just fallen out of my eternal connection with source. How can I possibly be separate and alone when I am all things? The space between my cells is the same space between all particles, the divine field of all being. My friend noticed within three seconds, although I was looking out a window, and within two more seconds, I snapped out of it and came back into my body. When I let go of defining love, and my false need for it, it was freed to flow between us unhindered, and we moved closer in the larger space that was created.
It was the kind of ‘poor me’ thought I might have entertained for days as a teenager, but it was like having wild vertigo as an adult. Feeling sorry for myself, or separated, is so clearly false and unnatural it is not even possible to sustain anymore. It feels natural to shift into being open, receptive and accepting of all that is unfolding; to shift into love.
Soon after, I got a call that a loved one was being rushed by ambulance to the hospital. I was 5 hours away at the time. I felt myself get swept over the cliff once again. The fear just lasted seconds as my heart beat faster, and then I recognized I was out of sync, and pulled myself back to centre. I then moved into sending love instead, which I felt moving to them instantly. The separation between us was an illusion and by staying connected I could feel present with them. Everything unfolded so smoothly over the next few weeks because I chose to stay in that accepting, peaceful, and neutral place, that love provides, at our core. There are feelings naturally, but they are not frightened or angry or judging, but rather informed by the perspective of being One with all things. If I am part of all that is, then all that is unfolding is a co-creation of mine, for my growth and enlightenment: ‘all is as it should be’ and ‘all is not as it seems’. Ah, now that inspires loving acceptance of each moment.
My mission this spring is to focus on the experience of rapture that spring bubbles through my being, and make that the normal buzzing vibration in my spine, to make that my core resonance all the time. Then I can meet what appears on my path and make choices from that beautiful vibration that is love; knowing that life does not happen to me but through me.
Shhhh, do you hear that? I think it is a tulip pressing up out of the ground. Let’s go out and see.